crazy mama

Fabulous Friday and still going

~ gracelessnessover40 ~ 3 Comments

happy friday forget the bad.png

Even though I have to work this weekend, I am so thankful it’s Friday! Celebrate!

It hopefully won’t be as active as this past week and I can maybe not go as much  because this fabulously graceless chick is a wee bit tired.

wk wkend batmans

Sometimes you are expecting things to be hectic and maotic. You expect Murphy to show up and life to change your plans.

What you may not be expecting is so much of it all in a 4 day period! You aren’t expecting the extras, though you should as you know how this game of life works. You definitely didn’t need that little memo about more things to do and people flat out disrespecting others and the cruelty of some.

We made it to Friday! That my friends is why Keep Hope Alive is my mantra. Because even in the storms I will find a silver lining. The phone calls I got to make and talk to those near and dear. The time with the boy, even when he’s having a moment and it’s unpleasant, the full on love and hugs he freely gives. Time with new people and being able to see things from a different perspective. Those moments that can make you stop and have to catch your breath and then plan on how you get through it.

The fact that we woke up this morning and are facing the day. The miracle of something as “simple” as that.

I hope you all have a wonderful and fabulous Friday!

have a beautiful friday

Keep Hope Alive!

Twisty Thursday

~ gracelessnessover40 ~ 2 Comments

Happy Thursday! It’s closer to Friday but kind of like Tuesday close to Friday where Thursday is close to Sunday. Welcome to my mind!

It’s been one of those haven’t had a lot of sleep weeks with tons of projects to accomplish, twists and turny kind of weeks. The kind of week where things are getting done but there is also a lot that isn’t getting done, therefore, I’m freaking out a tab bit. Yeah, that doesn’t make me sound crazy at all. Nope!

In fact, this is one of those posts I wrote whilst laying snuggled up with the boy. He has fallen asleep and his warm little body is pressed against mine. When he sleeps he looks so much younger. He’s getting so big but he still loves to cuddle with his mama. He told me the other day that sometimes at school he can’t give me a hug and kiss at school ‘cause some of the school kids said it wasn’t cool. I asked him why it should matter what they thought. He thought about it for a minute and grinned and said it didn’t. They didn’t know our happy! He said he felt bad that they didn’t want to hug and kiss their moms. I tried to explain to him that sometimes when kids get bigger, they don’t always want their moms and dads around. He informed me that other kids may feel that way he would always hug and kiss me and love me for always no matter what.

So in light of that revelation, I leave you with happiness in my heart and hope for a fabulous Thursday no matter what!

Keep Hope Alive My Fabulously Graceless Friends!

 

 

Hump Day Hope

~ gracelessnessover40 ~ Leave a comment

Smack dab in the middle of the work week… it’s Wednesday!

If you are reading this then you made it! Keep Hope Alive!

So many folks have had a hard week, already and I hope it gets better. Some have had a fabulous week and I hope it stays that way.

Here in my world we are just trying to get through the week.

I hope you all can find a bit of happiness and hope to sustain you to the weekend.

For now, here is some hope for you. Never forget it is always there, even when you think it isn’t possible, hope always finds a way.

hope voice maybe when no

 

 

Generations X & A: Parenting from the broken hips & other fun science stuff

~ gracelessnessover40 ~ 3 Comments

b in lights

I often read parenting articles and parenting blogs. Let’s face it, we live in a world where technology is literally at our fingertips. I learn so much and it leads me to research other interests and ideas. It teaches me things and helps me understand different perspectives as well as learn new things that are important to my growth as a human being and as a parent.

regardless of generation still a person

I have also learned which category I, along with the boy, have been labeled/categorized into. It’s quite entertaining interesting to say the least. Parts of it I can see as true and parts I just have to laugh depending on who’s spewing the data of said labels.

cow (2)

The other day we went to the local science center. It is always an adventure and my boyfriend was thankfully there to help me hobble make it through the experience without falling out! Can we say food court and I had to use threats of leaving on the boy so mommy could get some carbs so she didn’t pass out! Along with the awesomeness that he carried my bag that I insist on taking and it’s got enough in there in case some catastrophe happens. I’m weird like that. We also used the elevators instead of climbing flights of stars. Small moves Ellie. The place is just plain fun where we enjoy ourselves and I am a big kid too. I also wanted to put things in their proper places in the Itty Bitty city but yeah, I refrained for the most part.

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There is so much to take in and absorb. Even as an adult you would be hard-pressed to not find something you found “cool” in there! I did see one dude napping but that was on the 3rd floor and honestly he did have a comfy spot to sit in and I admit I was jealous of the spot as I was tired but still having fun and by the time you get there I’m sure we’d walked a few miles!

I also enjoy people watching, when I’m not trying out the experiments and checking out the exhibits.

There are multi-generational families that visit and all of us are there because we have a child in our care and we’re tired of being home and TVs and personal technology. Yes it’s a science center but it’s hands on and yes, technology is used, but it still makes it interactive for everyone. (I’m talking about you, my sciatica, acting all mean cause I needed the exercise!*sorry!)

cow (1)

This is where I realized there was also some sort of weird “grouping” of people, if you will, who handled their charges differently. I know this also can go into another area of people who just don’t pay attention to their darling ‘lil rugrats, helicopter parenting, etc but that’s a whole plethora of other topics!

gen x dates

I am referring to the categories/labels placed on those of us born in different “eras”. It seems to have started with the Baby Boomers (those born 1945-1964), followed by Generation X (those born 1963-1980), Generation Y (those born 1981-1994) and of course, Generation Z (those born 1995-2009). Now we have moved on to Generation A (those born 2010 – 2025). Just refer to here for the breakdown! http://www.smh.com.au/lifestyle/diet-and-fitness/talkin-bout-my-label-20110720-1ho7s.htmlI am of the Generation X and the boy is Generation A. I have friends with kids in Generations Y, Z and A…. I get so lost trying to figure it all out! It’s like my family tree with extra twist and turns!

gen a

Confused yet? I sure as hell was! I really had no idea! I just knew there were people of all backgrounds, races and ages and we were all, at some point during the fun, family outing day, having some kind of “moment” with our kids. The fun was watching it happen too!  

battle

It was obvious with the parenting styles and ways folks interacted with the kids. Heck, I was even in battle with someone else’s kids for a bit there when the boy and I were playing with the foam block and pegs… pegs make for good swords and the blocks can be used as shields or projectiles. That one got a bit dicey and I had to pull out the mommy, “Ain’t nobody got time to get injured here, be a bit more careful.” Never did see those kids’ moms but they apparently thought I was cool. It seems I always end up helping parent someone else’s kid and for the most part, I’m okay with it. Especially in small situations like that where I can bail when my kid bolts to the next area that strikes his fancy! I know they can’t leave without an adult so it’s all good! I just wonder which Generation adult they were with!

I leave you with the magic of my boy’s Jedi mind, he hands down relaxed his mind to “beat” 2 adults in the move the ball with your mind game. He even switched sides to make sure he really was that cool! He closed his eyes and meditated to get that ball there! Have to admit I was pretty impressed on that one! It also showed your brainwaves…way cool exhibit and a fabulous way to get him thinking deeper!

mindgames

Have fabulous day and Keep Hope Alive!

 

 

The potential for Snowmagedden in Alabama and the maos of it all

~ gracelessnessover40 ~ Leave a comment

A snowflake threatens to fall in Alabama and the markets runs out of milk and bread. Seriously. After moving around the country and living in a state where snow and ice were “just another part of winter”, I get why people here lose their mind when the word snow is mentioned.

snow we re gonna dieee

2 years ago, parts of Alabama were hit by a crippling snow storm as was parts of Georgia. People were stranded in their car from 2 hours up to nearly 24 hours. My family was scattered around the city and only my brother made it home that night 6 hours after he left his office usually a 20 minute ride. My parents got a room at the hospital and my then-pregnant sister-in-law spent the night at the school. I can’t even imagine.

A large part of the problem is the state is not prepared for a winter storm of that magnitude. Not only are they not prepared for a storm of that magnitude, but they don’t have the equipment to treat the roads nor the human power. Another part is no one is God, so predicting the weather can be tricky.

Being a weather geek, I have been closely watching the weather and according to all sites, we are due for a bit of bad weather here. Although, in my local area, there is only maybe an estimated inch of snow that we will have and it should all be gone by Saturday. Probably. However, models and projections say it could impact the state on a larger scale if certain weather patterns collide. This would bring Alabama Snowpocalypse 2016 to central Alabama. We will be screwed. Hence the run on bread, milk and water. Personally, I already had milk as the kid drinks gallons of it, but picked up more bottled water, we go through it anyway, and a few bottles of wine. I will stop again today to deal with the mob because we are out of freaking broccoli and pomegranate juice. Don’t judge I am weird about my juice and the kid is weird about his vegetables! I also need to pickup icecream which is also weird but I was planning to do it before I learned of the complete maos that will be tomorrow due to the potential snow storm. Blessed sweet Pete I just love it when folks lose their minds over what-ifs! They obviously weren’t paying attention to ground temperatures before and models and projections for after said event either or they wouldn’t buy up all the groceries some of us just need but they bought for the next month… they can always use the excess for Super Bowl parties I guess!

southerns snow shut down

I am hoping to take the boy to the science center tomorrow, however the worst is supposed to hit tonight and early in the morning. I had to let him know that we may not be able to go but he was comforted with the fact we will play in the snow if we can’t go out. He still remembers living in Tennessee and getting iced in where we lived. He’s only bummed because it won’t happen on a school day but if we get snow, it will be fun no matter what day it is. Ah the flexibility of the young! Finding the joy in the small things that make some adults flip out and often over-react!

do you wann build a snowman

Honestly my biggest concern is if we do get snow and ice, the people that rely on others to come in and care for them may not have anyone that can get to them or that would be willing to stay with them. I thought about making sure they were somewhere safe. I considered finding chains for the Blue Bunny, my Jeep, but she isn’t in the best shape and that Murphy dude and his laws seem to race to change my plans… probably not the best plan but my heart is there! I’m sure I will be knee deep in making sure folks are taken care of once I get into the office.

help others live

Like I said, we aren’t prepared for snow and ice. People here don’t drive well in bad weather. *ahem* I have had people call out when it is raining hard and I can only imagine what the phones will be like this afternoon and tomorrow. Y’all send up a prayer I am not on call this weekend ‘cause I am not sure I could take the stress!

For those of y’all really getting pounded by Winter Storm Jonas (I just learned they named winter storms and I am a geek so there’s my info for today kids) my thoughts and prayers that you get through safe and warm! For those facing it, brace yourselves, stock up on necessities and booze (if you like or whatever gets you though!) and ride it out with those you love. Pay attention to your local news stations and for the love of Pete don’t go out in the madness unless you have to!

Enjoy that nature is saying, “Just stop and slow down”. And don’t forget to check on friends and neighbors, especially those who may live alone, are elderly, frail or just need to know that someone cares!

Keep hope alive for a fabulous Friday!

Lady Maos

scary part of snow storm

I write…

~ gracelessnessover40 ~ 9 Comments

I have been writing since I was 3. I was around 5 when I started writing in journals, so for about 40 years I have been writing down my feelings. Even when my feelings consisted of getting Barbie’s dream house and flying a rocket ship while being a veterinarian. What?! I had big dreams. I may not have gotten the Barbie dream home, rocket ship or become a vet, however, I have never stopped writing. I have written some pretty crazy things… short stories, love notes, articles, poems, letters, papers. I still have journals from when I was a child.

People ask me what I was thinking about or if I was talking about so & so. Sometimes I have a specific subject in mind but other times I pull from so many sources – mine, friends, family and those that I have heard or read about.

Since starting my blog it has proven to be a challenge to write daily. Add to it when I write on a personal level or say something and some people thinks it’s about them, someone else or that something is “wrong”.

It can get quite irritating to get the “I know this was about me” or “Why would you write about that? It’s too personal.”

I write so much from my soul. I can write about almost anything. I can’t Not write. Now that I have my blog it gives me an avenue to let it out. Sometimes I think if I don’t get it out, then I will blow up or lose my mind even further!

There are times I feel that no matter what I write, I will get some sort of negative feedback. I am realizing I can’t please everyone. I can’t even come close to trying. This, I am learning, is where I stop apologizing and keep writing how I feel.

For the most part, I write after I hear, experience, or learn about things. Sometimes, though, I write during an experience to get through it. I may use it in my blogs. I do have pieces that may or may not get posted and others that I wrote to keep my sanity. Those pieces may never be read by anyone but I had to write them in order to get past something or get my feelings out.

I have been asked why I don’t just publish or post certain pieces. Just because I write and have a blog doesn’t mean I share every part of who I am and every thought that goes through my head. Honestly I think I would be committed if every thought, every word I wrote was put out there to be read and scrutinized and picked apart. I could use a few days at a spa, one with padded cells in not what I am going for!

Everyone has their own way of dealing with things and mine happens to be writing. Just because I put it in my journal doesn’t mean I wrote it for everyone. My journals are mine. They are private. Everyone who knows me knows that. It isn’t for anyone but me. I get so much out of going back and re-reading how I was thinking or feeling in my life. It’s like I downloaded my thoughts and emotions and I can go back and remember exactly how I felt. I may share a part of it, but for anyone to go open my journal and read it would be like me walking into someone’s home and going through their things without permission. I have seriously flipped on the 2 occasions it’s happened in my life.

Even the boy knows those are off limits. It wasn’t even something he went back to and asked again. I told him once, “No, those are mommy’s and you are welcome to have your own journal or diary to write your feelings in. I promise I won’t read it.” Of course he’s 5 and he shows me every little thing so it isn’t private for him. Oh if only it would stay that way! But he has not yet asked again if he could look at them or write in them.

I guess I write because it’s such a part of me. I write because I feel compelled to do so. I write to share, entertain and try to keep a bit of myself sane.

I write and I keep hope alive. Always.

 

I’m sorry but not and I am working on that

~ gracelessnessover40 ~ 3 Comments

sorry

Sometimes I feel like I am constantly apologizing to people for things that are out of my control.

I am sorry I was late there was a wreck and I left in plenty of time. I am sorry you misunderstood me when I said I had an appointment and couldn’t meet yet you showed up anyway and acted put out when I wasn’t in the office. I am sorry you can’t read a map. I am sorry you’re having a bad day. I am sorry that your neighbor smashed your car and you can’t get to work… this happened yesterday and you are calling me 2 hours before you shift? I am sorry that person you really wanted to show up didn’t, maybe they had to work but I’m here for you. I’m sorry your friend can’t have a conversation with a woman unless she is flat chested. It’s not like I am wearing a low cut shirt. I’m sorry you felt my writing was something it’s not. I’m sorry I didn’t word that sweet enough to take the sting out. I’m sorry I can’t hang but I have to work as nights are the only time I can seem to do certain work. I’m sorry that life happened when we were making plans.  I’m sorry we can’t go because we don’t have the funds to go and I am not trying to be a Debbie downer.

I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry.

I’m sorry that I keep apologizing because after so many times it doesn’t sound sincere.

After saying I’m sorry for so many things in which blame is placed upon me and it truly isn’t my fault I feel like a broken record.

I was born to be a southern belle. The manners, the clothes, the hostess, the endless giving and the suppression of how I feel over how others feel. Some of those things aren’t so bad. And not saying how I really feel to protect other people’s feelings isn’t bad as long as I am not harming them or being untrue to myself. I am a very welcoming and giving person. It wasn’t just the southern upbringing either. If you brought your friends or family to my home and I served a meal and it was too hot I would apologize. If it was too salty or too whatever, I would profusely apologize. *For the record I did not make the southern belle cut. I was too brutally honest but nice and apologized for being so honest!

It’s a disease I have and I am working on curing it!

All too often I find myself and others, mostly women, who tend to apologize to soothe over hurt feelings and to diffuse situations.

I’ve noticed a pattern and when I am with another “apologetic” soul, I see myself when they get to the “let’s make them feel better” stage. Sometimes it makes people feel better and they stop griping about something. Other times a kind word and an apology, even though you both know the one issuing said apology is not the one who is at fault, can make all the difference in how someone’s day plays out.

But the insincere apologies and the apologies for things not our fault have got to stop!

One day you’ll find yourself apologizing to the telemarketer that called during family dinner because you were short with them and they got their feeling hurt. Everyone knows you can get off nicely with them and don’t have to apologize in the process! Since I dabbled in telemarketing and felt horrible about calling at dinner time I get it. However, when one acts rudely and put out because you don’t want to hear their pitch right in the middle of your aunt’s story of finding one of her kids in the dryer, you have to face reality. It’s okay to be nice and polite but to tell them to not call you during those hours. It’s okay to say No you don’t want to buy anything. If they persist tell them you only do business on the 2nd Tuesday of every 4th month during the full moon and to have a nice night. Then gently press the end button.

I’m just saying sometimes I am so over “I am sorry.”

I will keep hope alive that I can break myself of this bad, bad habit!

 

welcome to fabulous graceless repeat

~ gracelessnessover40 ~ Leave a comment

Welcome to Fabulous Gracelessness!

*from the about me section and an oldie I will find the rest of the poem one day! It’s one of the side effects of writing for so many years and keeping it all stored in notebooks, a few published I can’t find either – makes me kind of crazy as I know they are in boxes in my house somewhere!

 Come right on in, you must find the time

Experience the chaos inside of my mind

Feel the joy, taste the fear

Timeless tales play here all year

No walls in front, no walls surround

Let yourself go and let your mind break down.

 FullSizeRender (1)

*artwork by Rev. Joe Attaway – “Fallen from Grace”

Keep Hope Alive!

Sometimes I just want to scream

~ gracelessnessover40 ~ Leave a comment

silence scream

Sometimes I just want to scream.

I know that sometimes I feel that if I start I am unsure if I can stop.

It can be over nothing or something I have no control of, or the proverbial straw that broke the camel’s back.

The scream starts in my core. I feel it traveling up my body and my mouth opens.

It falls out, faster, harder. It isn’t so much a scream as it is a roar.

Maybe it’s nothing related to anything else but it takes me hostage. I feel it inside eating me up and it needs release.

This scream.

This guttural primal sound that comes from within racking my body like blows from a whip and twisting me up so tight I might explode.

The release of the scream is my salvation.

The verbal sounds of my system overload.

It is soothing, calming even.

That is how it plays out in my mind.

In reality, it is silent.

Sometimes I don’t want to be rational, civil or calm. Sometimes I want to let it play out in reality like it plays out in my head.

Danger or not, I wonder how it would be?

Be careful holding things inside.

When you hold it in too long and then let it out damage can be done.

Adulting is something I sometimes really don’t want to do.

Keep hope alive.

Be fabulous.

Scream.

Lady Maos

 

 

 

Fun, Fabulous and Finally Friday!

~ gracelessnessover40 ~ 2 Comments

Halleluiah it’s Finally Fabulous Friday!

finally friday

It’s not that I don’t have work to do but it’s the hope that I will be “done” when this workday is over. As in, off the clock kind of done. I do love my job but I feel like I have been “on” for two weeks and I guess technically I have. The type of work I do, I get too into it and really need to step away sometimes. It doesn’t mean I won’t still worry, but it means I am not the one who is responsible for our clients and I am not the one on call after 5:00! Carrying the weight of being responsible for someone else’s welfare is stressful.

I can promise you I am not in it for the money because this calling I have to take care of others does not pay as much as my project management job in telecom that I had previously. I love what I do now and before I didn’t love what I did but I needed the paycheck.

When I got laid off due to industry wide layoffs in the fall of 2014, I was a little freaked about not getting a regular paycheck, not counting unemployment for a few months, but I was actually relieved. The stress and the plain meanness of some people in the industry had done me in after only 3.5 years.

It is sad that the industry of taking care of others pays so little. Our daycare workers, teachers and caregivers get paid the lowest amounts yet they are the ones we entrust the very lives of our loved ones with. I know in caregiving in general, even in private pay, the average person can only allot so much for care.

I have families that need someone 24/7 but can only afford 8-10 hours a day. I have people who have no one and just need someone to take them to an medical appointment because you can’t drive yourself if you have anesthesia. I have people who can no longer drive and need someone to take them places. I have others who just need companionship for their loved ones. I have others that should be under medical care but can’t, or won’t, go the extra mile so they get someone to come in and “sit” with their loved one to “help out”.

4 types of people

I work with people who have loved ones who need the care, but want to tell me how it needs to be done and they don’t listen to the person receiving the care of how they want it done. Awkward!

I have employees who don’t show, walk off or quit calling in. I wonder if they would do it if the roles were reversed. I wonder how they made it as long in the industry as they have. I wonder why they ask for work only to turn it down or not show. I question, if I hired them, why I didn’t pick up on those flaws.

One of the people I work with, after talking to me and hearing me answer several other calls and taking care of caregivers and client needs, said, “Well I guess that’s why they pay you the big bucks.” I calmly looked at her and said, “We don’t discuss pay with each other but I can guarantee I am not in this for the money, therefore I am not making the big bucks.” She thought I was offended but I was amused.

Anytime you say the word “manager” in your title it is automatically assumed that you make a lot of money. I am not sure why this is. I do know several management jobs that don’t pay squat and others that pay mega bucks. I am closer to the squat side that the mega side and I am truly okay with that because in my soul I am at peace with what I do every day.

Yes, I love my job but today, I am thankful it is Friday!

never give up

It is a fantastically, fabulous, rainy Friday but we made it!

And all because I always Keep Hope Alive!