sweet home Alabama

No control

~ gracelessnessover40 ~ 1 Comment

I realize I have no control.

No control over the weather nor the traffic. I have no control over the actions of others.

I delude myself into thinking I have control of my actions and words.

I have a pretty mask but sometimes it slips.

Falls right off and I don’t even realize it and keep going wondering why folks are looking at me all strange. It is within that moment that I realized the mask has dropped and my innerlogue has strolled out through my face. My mind races to catch up to the last few minutes of life. What did I say, do or how badly did I react to what was being said? The majority of the time I am fairly good at controlling how I react, especially in public. During a crisis or situation I feel like for the most part I handle myself well. Even in small groups with people when something is said or done by others that shocks me or angers me, the majority of the time I can keep my cool.

Yesterday I was with my client in her car, running errands and the battery died when I went to get the car ready for us to go to our last stops. It could be we had them on and forgot they were on and it drained the battery, but we will just go with the battery died.

I had a schedule to keep and was trying to field calls and texts for business and from friends and family. When I am with clients I try to not answer my phone or texts. My time is with them. However, sometimes I have to take a call or return a text. We were already past our standard hours so I took a few calls and responded to texts. For a bit over an hour we waited for the service to come but finally a good Samaritan showed up and got the car started. We had 3 more errands before I could take her home, pick up my boy and meet my friend who had come to visit from NA (Northern Alabama… for those who understand LA is Lower Alabama, see humor in the spaces!) I was flying through those errands like Andretti because I don’t like to be late in picking up the boy no matter how later the center is open and I thought I would be done with my client by 2 or 3 PM and it was going on 4 when we finally got juice back in the car.

And no, I didn’t turn it off at any stop after it was restarted due to fearing I would get stuck again & I couldn’t afford to be any later! I had lost control due to no doing of my own. My client remarked how calm I was and she was more worried than I was. No, I don’t think so. I just don’t show it because I wear the mask of calmness. I have been in enough situations in my life that flipping out on the outside doesn’t always go so well. Inside I am Freaking Out Completely but you do not see it. Sometimes those who know me know I am freaking out but handle it well.

Other times it falls out.

I was so fortunate that the fall out happened with my friend and she understands oh so well my maotic mind and erratic thoughts. It’s like I get with certain people and I know I make absolutely no sense with the word vomit I emit because I know I don’t need a filter. And chances are good they won’t be rushing me to the nearest psych unit to be “checked out.” I’m safe so to speak.

I don’t mean to put a mask on, I truly don’t.

I go through most of my life pretty much uncensored and unfiltered. I also have to censor and filter depending on who I am with. My child, my family and some friends I do not want to “offend”, shock or have them see that side of me. The side that isn’t always pretty. The one that doesn’t have control.

I have realized no one has control. No matter how hard they try, how regimented, organized and meticulous they are, life happens on life’s terms.

Most close to me have seen behind the mask. The loss of control. It even happens in public on occasion.

I don’t really “lose my mind” and flip out on folks. Not much anyway and I’m not a violent person really… other than if you mess with my kid, family, friends or sometimes in traffic if I don’t have the boy I will let words fly. But no violence.

I don’t get into screaming at folks to get my point across, so losing it on someone would involve words, maybe cutting or harsh, but not physically.

I realize I have no control.

I am getting better with it. Accepting it. Learning from it. Embracing it.

And I always Keep Hope Alive.

Have a fabulous Wednesday My Graceless Friends!

 

 

 

Staying positive and always keeping hope alive!

~ gracelessnessover40 ~ 4 Comments

Oh what a beautiful mornin’! Oh what a beautiful day! I’ve got a wonderful feelin’, everything’s goin’ my way! *Opening song from musical “Oklahoma!

Do you ever just feel like Finally you can exhale and that no matter what everything will be ok? Yes there are still challenges and battles to face. Such is life. But how your outlook is depends on how it affects you.

inhale let exhale go

I’m known for being somewhat cheery and positive the majority of the time. Scary and weird to me and especially to some of those who truly know me! But I really feel that having a positive outlook, Keep Hope Alive (OTB 2001), genuinely helps you keep positive even when you know you have things you would rather not deal with or situations you know you have no control over, whatever it may be.

I have to stop and really let it go (damn Disney and their songs haha) in order to be able to let myself be free to the stress. Not condoning actions I don’t believe in or supporting something that is against my own personal beliefs, but I have to let the anger go. Let the stress and worry go in order to move forward and overcome the situation or circumstance. Otherwise it will eat away at my core, my soul, and that isn’t healthy for me or for anyone else.

Friends often ask me how I can handle, be friends with, tolerate certain people. They wonder why I give more chances than I should. It’s because I want to believe people, no matter how many times have proven your wrong or hurt you, can change at least for that moment. And if they don’t how I can go from compassion to cold hearted in what seems the blink of an eye.

Everyone has their breaking point. Their line that they consider once you’ve crossed it, sadly it is done and you must then take measures you would rather not take but you cannot keep having a vicious cycle that repeatedly harms repeat itself.

It’s these circumstances, situations I have no control of that I have no choice, in my opinion to KEEP HOPE ALIVE and be positive for myself. I don’t see any other alternatives for me. It’s my choice of how I cope with life.

breathe and release that which does not serve you

Tomorrow is my boy’s 5th birthday. He truly is a miracle. When I think about where I was 5 years ago, the people in my life and the ones no longer here, it is bittersweet. But no matter what I know in my soul I am going to be positive not only today but this whole week. It’s the boy birthday celebration week in my world. My mindset and attitude directly affects him. I believe in letting him learn about life but I am also working to instill in him the sense of hope and peace within himself and learning how to find that own his own. The “self-soothing” techniques all people use.

Remember to breathe.

Remember to always keep hope alive.

“Oh what a beautiful mornin’! Oh what a beautiful day! I got a wonderful feelin’, everything’s goin’ my way!”

Stay fabulous!

stop smile breathe life is beautiful

This is my life and I am not ashamed

~ gracelessnessover40 ~ 1 Comment

Currently I should be getting things done… housework, birthday plans (the boy turns 5 on Monday!), writing, organizing – you know doing whatever it is you need to do. Note I said I should be but at the moment I am not!

No I am still vegging out after another lovely procedure and fortunately not another mis-procedure!

I love how people can look at me and think, “Gee she must be lazy! She looks fine!” Oh thank you so for the backhanded compliment. Why yes, yes I do look quite fine. In fact, for someone with my medical challenges I think I look fabulous!

For a while I have been back and forth with writing about my personal medical challenges.

I follow several amazing bloggers who share their journeys through their blogs (The Tube Fed Wife and The Respiratory Therapist who needed help breathing are two off the top of my head who are damn inspiring.). But because I write about so many topics I wasn’t sure what writing about my own personal issues, then I realized I am not alone. Other people suffer from similar or worse problems. People don’t like to hear about anyone’s suffering or pain. People like me, with chronic pain issues are expected to somewhat “keep it to ourselves” or “don’t share that it’s personal”. Yes it is. Very personal and this is My Blog. So why shouldn’t I talk about something personal to me? Something that affects me on a daily basis?

I am an active crazy mama. I am 44 with an almost 5 year old boy child. I work, clean, cook, play, live. I go as much as I can and often push myself further than I probably should most days. I have pretty severe back issues and just recently was told I need to think about hip replacements. Emphasis on the “s” as in both hips.

I have had back problems since I was 13 and broke my back/tailbone. At the time, it was thought 6 weeks of “rest” and “taking it easy” with aspirin, cold and heat and a bit of “physical therapy” would be just fine. First of all it was summer. One of the last weekends in June there was no way I was going to “rest up” all summer. I took the aspirin, did the heat/cold therapy and went on with my life. I stayed busy for the next several years in sports, gymnastics, tennis, cheerleading, water skiing, soft ball and general activities as per usual for me.

When I was 17 I was diagnosed with migraines. In the late 80’s there weren’t many option for folks who had migraines. There were some heavy duty pain meds and then there were injections. I remember my aunt coming over and showing my mom and I how to inject a needle into an orange over and over. I reminded myself that others had to inject themselves daily and I could do this. The migraines were awful and a few years later they were so bad that I considered going into some sort of program to help with my migraines. Extensive testing showed I was allergic to nearly everything, I mean the results were like a small book of things I should “stay away from” and/or that I was allergic to. I thought of the bubble boy movie. I was not going to let this keep me down. Slowly but surely I took out a large chunk of items that set off my migraines. I could do nothing about the great outdoors or the weather, but I could control the things that tended to make my migraines worse. Having that milkshake during allergy season or when the barometric pressure was no longer an option. It was combinations of items I had to systematically cut back or remove as well. I couldn’t control my hormones no matter how many vitamins, natural teas and supplements I took.

I continued to push my body. I moved so many times I was better than a service for packing, unpacking and lifting. I could pack up a moving truck or van with an efficiency that would make Martha Stewart proud. I moved all over Alabama, then decided to move beyond the borders of my home state. I moved to Florida, Georgia, California, back to Georgia then Tennessee. It was in Tennessee that my boy was born. By then I had been going for 4 years to a specialist for my numerous aches and pains in my back, hips and front. I loved, not, hearing the term “advanced maternal age” while I was carrying the boy. I wasn’t 40 yet come on! I was just thrilled I was having a bebe as I was told I couldn’t get pregnant.

It wasn’t without wear and tear on my body though. Wear and tear I would do 10 times over because life with him is beyond worth it and I will do any and everything within my power to keep moving, keep going and keep up with him!

When I made the decision to move back to Alabama it was not taken lightly. I have family here and the boy’s dad does too. I would be closer to my doctor in GA and my friends too.

It was during my packing that I got the call that my father’s condition had gotten worse. I packed up my jeep and the boy and headed home. I was scheduled to move in a month to help my parents but I knew I was going to see my daddy for the last time. I stayed for 10 days before returning. I buried my father during that time as well.

Once back in Tennessee I continued to work and pack up my home. My close friends, my cousin and her husband helped me get all my belongings loaded up and we managed to move it to Alabama. It took two trips of the big stuff and the final trip a few weeks later but I finally moved back “home”.

I have been battling issues with my back, hips and front pain for so many years the pain is like an old friend. Earlier this year I finally had a total hysterectomy in the hopes of alleviating some of my pain. I feel like it did help. It also set my body into some kind of weird tail spin back and forth. I never know what normal or new pain is now.

I try not to show it. I know I overdo it but my thoughts are do it while I can.

I go at least 4 times a year to “get a tune up” and overhaul my spine and hips. I am in year 8 of this so getting told “think about replacing your hips” truly shouldn’t come as a shock, but it does. I should not be surprised I was given the paper work for a handicap placard but I don’t know if I am ready to do that yet. I mean I still have many good days. I also have days where when I drive to the store and wait for a closer parking spot so I don’t have to walk so far.

I know my battles and my journey isn’t over yet. I know that I won’t give up. I know that every post I write won’t feature the daily challenges I have. Trust me even I don’t like to think about it all the time much less write about it. However, I did feel the urge to share, and apparently share I have.

I hope this shows people that no matter what anyone looks like, acts like you can’t always tell how someone feels on the inside.

I also hope it shows others you aren’t alone. You may not be able to be as active as you want to be but know you are still breathing and still here.

Never forget to keep hope alive and never give up.

Stay fabulous my friends!

 

 

 

 

9/11/01 – I can never forget

~ gracelessnessover40 ~ 3 Comments

never forget 9 11 01

As I started to write my post I remembered the date. September 11, 2015.
It’s Friday. I usually write about happy Friday randomness or whatever strikes my fancy to let flow.
However, I can’t Not acknowledge what this date means to me. How my life and my perspective on life change that fateful day, September 11, 2001, as I am sure it did for countless others.
I have/do write in journals. I keep all of my journals from the past 15ish years close by me and read them randomly. Sometimes they call to me to re-read certain time periods or situations. I feel it is so I can reflect and maybe even learn from them. Or maybe I am to share them.
In January of 2001 I moved to California, specifically the Berkeley area. I lived with my then husband and several friends as it wasn’t cheap living out there, but it seemed so much more “free” in many ways than living in the south. I can’t explain it. I was 30 years old and felt like I needed a new adventure in my life. We had friends out there so why not just go? So we packed up our home, put it in storage and took a tiny trailer and our cat and moved to California. I have read and re-read that journal so many times the cover is starting to fall apart. So many experiences of life and seeing things through a different perspective. Also reading it now 14 years later still blows my mind. One of my favorite books I read that year was the “Tibetan Art of Parenting”. I was into trying to find out who I was and praying for a child. I was also writing but only in my journal. I was stepping outside of my comfort zone, trying new things, meeting new people.
Three days before the fateful events of 9/11/01 I had written in my journal about truly living life and that many things of this world were an illusion. How time is valuable but we don’t always notice it until there is a time limit placed on your life to force you to get on with things.
Direct excerpts from my journal 9/11/01 – please forgive the fragmented sentences:
“AM – west coast – the World Trade Center is no more. Part of the Pentagon has collapsed, terror attack on the U.S. – can’t even think of going into work. No one is. Always knowing your country wasn’t “secure” yet being told it was… I don’t like being right. It’s getting later, almost 11AM here, and nothing as of yet on the west coast. Will there be? Questions. Everyone is jumpy and edgy. News of joy over what happened to the US in Gaza. Now we know what it is like for them.
This has happened before, it will happen again unless we do something.
A dream fragment from being ripped awake this morning by roomie, “weird stuff going on I am sorry you need to get up”.
Flash of a plane, a man of maybe middle eastern decent screaming with “important brass& Showing the world.” Time wasn’t there.
Later – I finally talked to several friends and family on the east coast and everyone is freaked. Fragments of this day pass through my mind. This tragedy of Armageddon is bringing folks together. Over 10,000 dead they are saying… that is horror. Life continues but change has happened. I am drained. I have cried off and on all day. I cannot imagine what it is like for others. The death and destruction. The United States of American has been shaken to the core. I am freaked out, but not terrorized because I cannot let them have my faith, my soul. I am touched by the humanity shown all over the US. The fact we were “impenetrable” was just an illusion. Maybe this was needed. We are far from blemish free.”
Today I feel that no words can articulate how I feel yet I know that I can say 9/11/01 We will NEVER forget.
I know for me the course of my life changed. I know that my prayers and dreams of being a mother finally happened. I know that I was able to do the things in the following pages, “apologize to your parents, send letters and call friends and family and tell them you love them, never give up on your dreams, keep in touch with those you love, never forget 9/11/01 and always keep hope alive.” I know that my dream of writing is happening now. I know I can remind you to never forget.
Sending out thoughts of peace, hope and tranquility,
I remain the Fabulously Graceless Lady Maos

9 11 remember childs hand

The day after a long weekend

~ gracelessnessover40 ~ 1 Comment

Does it feel like Monday to anyone else?!

The running around, making sure all school supplies are actually in the care with you and make it into the school with the child. The looking for lost shoes, I know I put them all by the door last night but they are gone! The alarm mishap that allowed you an extra 30 minutes sleep has now given way to sheer panic to drop off kid and make it into work on time.

This is my kind of day!

The day after any long weekend or vacation to where you have to enter the real world once again always seems a bit daunting to me. I seem to think we need an extra day to recuperate from the long weekends. And not like I did before my boy was born! Those late night party sessions are a memory and my idea of a good time these days involves little movement and maybe a glass or four of an adult beverage. Well at least in my mind. The reality is more of an attempt to rest but I end up finding at least 7 projects in various stages of completion and since I have time I might as well try to finish 2. Sometimes I just leave the others and start a whole new project because nothing makes this OCD girl crazier than one more project on her plate to not finish!

Last night the boy got an early birthday present and I spent an hour oohing and ahhing over the new Marvel Hulk Smash remote toy. It’s loud, crazy and admittedly a very cool toy. The cat is not too fond of it but I am not fond of her running through the house sounding like a stampede of epic proportions so I figure it’s payback!

hulk smash

I also taught the boy what the flap in the front of his underwear was for, he now thinks that is a cool trick for pottying. Seriously.

My life is fascinating!

Now I sit writing my articles for my blog and ruminating on what needs to be done next.

I am sure I will remember what needs to be done while I am working or out and about today. It will be one of those “Aha, oh crap!” moments I am so familiar with.

But that’s all ok because we are making it through the week, now with Hulk on our side, and hoping everyone keeps their word on things to be done so we can pull this week off with minimal damage!

Welcome to my world!

I hope you all have a fabulous Tuesday and that we all make it through without the joys of jail or bad food!

Keep hope alive my friends!

 

The first Sunday after college football

~ gracelessnessover40 ~ 1 Comment

Ahh the first Sunday after college football in Alabama! Both Alabama and Auburn kicked booty and of course it was a late night with friends and family.

Earlier this week my lovely boy, who learned “Roll Tide” before he could say complete sentences and was dressed all in Alabama attire when brought home from the hospital, yelled “War Eagle” while dressed in an Alabama t-shirt on the way to school. I whipped my head around and said, “What did you say?” Smiling he replied, “Warrrr Eagle Mommy!” I quickly found out he had learned it from his teacher at school. He was a bit concerned I would be mad. Apparently he is already caught onto the fact that the two teams are rivals and was wondering if he was “in trouble with me” for saying it. So was his teacher! I assured them both that although I was a Bama fan through and through, I was not a rabid fan and cheered for the other team as long as they weren’t playing each other.

I realized how fine a line it is. I have always known that people argue, fight and even divorce over the college rivalry here. It blows my mind.

To be born in Alabama means you are basically assigned a team at birth. Usually the team your parents are for.

Growing up I always cheered for Alabama because that’s who my daddy loved. My mom became a Bama fan after marriage, as several of her family members went to Auburn. Later my younger brother graduated from Alabama so her ties were strong by then. My boy has both and aunt and uncle who attended UA so it was a natural choice to dress him in crimson and white and teach him “Roll Tide” and “Go Bama” along with the fight song.

I have recently realized that may be a mistake. This does not mean I will stop buying him Bama gear and suit him up for Auburn per se.

While having the conversation the other day in the car I made a comment that “I don’t do orange it doesn’t look good on me.” He said, “Well I look good in red, white, blue and orange Mommy.” And he’s right.

As parents we tend to lead our children to what we like best. Not that it is a bad thing, but we don’t really stop to think of the implications it has on them.

Yes, I am moving a bit deeper than just football so bear with me.

The boy is like me in so many ways it scares the crap out of me. But he is Not me. Nor is he his father. He is his own being who is coming more and more into who he is as a person. Not just a mini-me. He certainly has learned many traits, most good a few probably not as good, from me and his dad, but he also has his own opinions about things.

Yesterday my mom took the boy and I to the local science center for the day. His birthday is coming up and she wanted to have a bit of time with just the three of us.

We had a blast exploring, learning and playing for hours. When we were leaving we had to pay to get out of the parking deck. Mom and I were frustrated because we couldn’t get the machine to take our money to get out and were a bit snappish with each other, but truly nothing ugly or rude. He pipes up from the backseat, “Hey all that jealousy and anger isn’t nice, and you both need to be good to each other.” Did I mention he’s almost 5? He hasn’t quite got all the basics down of emotions and what means what, but we got the idea. After talking to him and explaining what jealousy meant and how we both were just frustrated that we couldn’t get out of the parking garage, the pay to get out box wasn’t working so we had to move, he said, “Well y’all just need to talk nicer to each other then. People will think you’re mad at each other.” It’s a bit scary when the kid is smarter than the adults.

I’ve come to realize I have to let my boy make his own choices in life. I may not always like them, like letting his thick hair grow out because he wants to or doing things I do a certain way differently, but they are his ways. As long as it isn’t harmful to him or others I want to let him grown into who he want to be. Not someone I think he should be.

I hope you all have a fabulous day!

 

 

Fabulous Friday with a touch of nostalgia

~ gracelessnessover40 ~ 4 Comments

fantastic friday

The beginning of the weekend is here! We wait all week for this… or some of us do! School kids look forward to the weekend, and if they are lucky, 2 days of no “learning” and sitting in a classroom. Parents are happy, if they are of the Monday through Friday jobs, to have 2 days with their family. Or maybe it’s a dreaded thing, 50/50 chance there I guess. But I digress! Overall it’s 2 days free of the “normal weekday grind.” Songs are written about it, there are videos about it, poems, ditties and memes galore.

Also it’s officially football season again. Living in the south, high school and college football are a big deal. I know all over the US Friday night football is back and fans are all into football weekends, with high school games on Friday and college games on Friday and Saturdays. Of course since I am bringing up football, one can’t forget the NFL and Sunday games! It’s like Friday kicks off football too.

football

And since school is back in session, there are all types of sports, arts and other weekend activities to do.

I miss the Friday night dinners followed by family TV time of Dallas and Falcon Crest or friends coming over and card games and laughter.

We often would go to the high school football games and then out to dinner at the local Pizza Hut. We would see friends and family and enjoy spending time with them and each other. It was amazing how well my brother and I would get along during these times for the most part! Like we knew we were in the moment of something special and would get along and actually like each other to keep that good, happy feeling going!

I try to recreate, to a degree that fun, weekend feeling with the boy. If we are going out to dinner I find somewhere fun we both like, aka not necessarily a place with a playground, and will enjoy the food as well as the company but not break the bank. Depending on how long we are out, when we get home we may play a game before finding a new movie on Netflix to watch together. I love that he loves watching “classic” older kid’s movies that I loved when I was a kid… and an adult too but that’s ok it’s not TMNT or Frozen over and over as I can’t do that!

Last summer he watched Pinocchio for the first time, the original one, and loved it. Watching it for the first time with him I was taken back to when I saw it with my grandfather at the Alabama Theater oh so many years ago.

al theatre

Of course then I had to take him to the same theater to see a movie there and experience the feeling of awe and “how cool” it was compared to the “regular” theaters he was accustomed to. We went at Christmas and saw the Charlie Brown Christmas movie classic, which he’d of course seen, but not in that setting. Even though he had a mini meltdown before the movie, he told me later that was one of the best times he had watching a movie knowing I had been there as a little girl seeing movies there too. The kid can get me!

al theatre sign

So Friday I welcome you and know that somehow, somewhere, happiness and joy will be found in you some way by many! I know for myself and mine we will enjoy this Friday, rain or shine, because after all, it’s the start of our weekend!

I hope you all have a fabulous Friday!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Rain

~ gracelessnessover40 ~ 1 Comment

I can smell the rain coming.

It won’t be long now before the land is drenched from the skies.

Like the heavens are trying to wipe away the grit and grime from the earth.

It smells so clean and fresh.

There is also a smell on the wind. A smell of hard weather. Storms, tornadoes and hurricanes.

I love the wind that carries the smell of the rains.

I respect Mother Nature and all of her power and glory.

She does not discriminate on whom and where she chooses to let loose.

I love the winds, the rains, the raging storms.

I feel the wind calming. The calm before the storm.

Now it is picking up, bringing on its outer edges the rain, lightening, thunder and hail.

The heavens sound like they are tearing open and letting Armageddon loose on mankind.

The rain pours forth like the ocean emptying itself from the depths and darkest places.

The thunder sounds like hundreds of bats being hit and cracked at once, rippling out across the land.

Lightening illuminates the skies, showing backdrops of clouds shaped like demons and wild fairy tales.

It seems like it will never end.

I wonder if the rain will ever stop, if the thunder will cease and the lightening will end.

Slowly, so slowly that the creeks, rivers and low lying roads are overflowing, but the rain starts to slow. The thunder and lightning gradually fade away.

Eventually the rain becomes a drizzle and then drops.

Finally, I see the sun peeking through the hazy clouds.

I think of Noah when the rains stopped and they saw land for the first time.

Like a miracle had occurred.

The earth was cleansed and fresh once again.

Gone were the things of man, replaced by the beautiful bounties of nature.

We are once again given the chance to start anew.

When the rains come, try to see it with a different prospective.

How it cleanses and how you can use it in your own life to start fresh.

Keep hope alive!

 

 

Moon Love

~ gracelessnessover40 ~ 1 Comment

DSC_0324

We danced.

Under the full moon on the balcony, we danced.

We laughed and played.

We ate good, played in the ocean but most of all we danced and sang.

Your favorite color is red.

DSC_0334

You tell me I am your favorite, bestest mommy you’ve ever had.

I tell you I dreamed of you before you were here.

“Did you always love me?”

“Always! I love you more each day and more than I did a minute ago.”

“Even when I’m bad? Do you still love me then?”

“I love you no matter what.”

Now we sing and dance some more.

Me and my miracle.

I pray for many more full moons with you.

And know my love for you is overflowing.

*Dedicated to my boy, Tuesday’s child full of Grace*

DSC_0410

 

A blue bunny kind of Thursday

~ gracelessnessover40 ~ 4 Comments

So my jeep has been in the shop for a while now. I am worried that the “Blue Bunny” may not be suitable for me any longer and I dearly love that vehicle!

It is far from a luxury car, but it is mine, bought and paid for. It seems, however, that it’s days of carting me and mine around are limited.

I purchased that jeep when it was just me and my big love dog, Jethro. It has a manual transmission, aka manny tranny, and lots of quirks but I was in love from the test drive.

b jethro

I started receiving recall notices, little things like windows, buttons, etc. after the boy was born and took it in the first time when the passenger rear window got stuck in the down position. At first the dealership tried to claim my kid had worn it out, but seeing as how I had him in a carrier and he had limited head control, much less the ability to repeatedly push the button to roll down the window they conceded it was probably due to the defect of the system. Ya think?!

Then, about a year and a half after the first time I had the window repaired, the same thing happened. It got stuck on the passenger side in the down position. It was winter and cold, like 23 degrees outside cold. I took it back to the dealership and told them of the problem.

Let’s just say things did not go well for either of us, and I had to pay for a new part for the window they “repaired” with the recalled parts they were given to “replace the bad ones”. Whatever. My kid is still in a car seat and can’t reach the button for the window. *Ahem.

Of course I had to do the usual maintenance, fluid changes, tires (several times as I drive a lot and yeah, I think I am an Andretti descendant at times), even a new windshield, which I lived with for quite a while before I dropped the cash to fix that.

Moving along I came to the decision to move back to the motherland with the boy and dog. I figured it would be easier to do the majority of it myself to save funds.

Logical right?

So I started packing and planning and realized I needed a hitch on my jeep as I figured I would at some point need a trailer for my move.

I take it to the local U-Haul and schedule a time for the hitch to be installed. Since it was during the week and I worked, I had a co-worker take me up there so I could have them install the hitch while I am at work, go back to work and come back when they finished as it was less than 5 minutes away.

I get to the U-Haul, walk in and tell all these “young” guys why I am there. The cockiest one walks up, snags my keys and smirks, “I got this.”

I just smiled at his other 2 co-workers and said, “He’s kind of confident. That’s going to be a good thing to have in life.”

As they looked at me oddly, he returned via the back entrance with a sheepish look on his face. His co-workers quickly inquired as to if he was ok and if the vehicle was ok. Of course the vehicle was fine. The problem? He couldn’t drive a manual transmission, stick shift or anything like it. If it wasn’t “automatic” he couldn’t drive it!

It turns out only one of them had ever even attempted driving a vehicle that wasn’t an automatic. All of the trucks they rented were automatic.

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Wow, just wow!

There was only one that had attempted to drive a stick, and yes, I let him attempt it again but he couldn’t do it. He had the true humor to tell me he was temporarily turning in his man card because he now knew he needed to know how to drive one.

The other two pretty much hid from me more or less.

I had to back my own vehicle up the ramp so they could install the hitch. Their manager was coming over from another store to get it down and they would call to let me know when to pick it back up.

I had to say I laughed long and hard about that one as did several of my co-workers and friends! I still do. I mean, really, you take your vehicle to get something done to it and all of the employees working that shift could not drive it because it is not an automatic?! I cannot make this up!

I’ve had so many great adventures and good memories in my “blue bunny” so named for its color and general happy feel!

My boy had one of those walkers that had the jeep look on it and that was done randomly and not because of my jeep. I have a photo somewhere of him in his walker behind my actual parked jeep. See below.

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I have lived in 2 states and driven through 7 in the bunny.

I know her quirks and oddities like I know my own.

Of course I paid it off last year so it’s just Murphy and his laws again messing with me telling me it’s time to move on. But this one is hard for me.

I have so many great memories.

My dog, Jethro, who is no longer on the planet with me, rode all over the southeast in that jeep.

My dad got a kick out of it and we talked about how I always wanted a jeep when I was younger, but he was worried then that I would flip it with my driving skills at the time. My dad is no longer here either.

I got the Blue Bunny and 14 months later had my boy so I carried both boy and dog in the jeep back and forth from the park to the house and to visit family.

I know that sometime soon I am going to have to make a decision on what to do about her.

I’ve been blessed to have a “loaner” minivan that is quite cool. Words I never thought I could ever put into a sentence and mean! It’s “loaded” as they say and my boy likes it better than the jeep. I mean ALL of the windows roll up and down, there’s a sun roof, space, good on gas and oh yeah it has DVD players in it.

We took it on our trip to PA and even with 6 humans and all of our crap we had space. We even discussed, other than hitting laundry mats and grocery stores, we could just keep driving and take a trip around the country. It is that comfy and cool.

But still, I will miss the Blue Bunny once she goes.

For now, I can still keep hope alive that I can squeeze a bit more time out of her.

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For nostalgia’s sake if nothing else.

Memories last forever.

Have a fabulous graceless day!