Author: gracelessnessover40

The day after a long weekend

~ gracelessnessover40 ~ 1 Comment

Does it feel like Monday to anyone else?!

The running around, making sure all school supplies are actually in the care with you and make it into the school with the child. The looking for lost shoes, I know I put them all by the door last night but they are gone! The alarm mishap that allowed you an extra 30 minutes sleep has now given way to sheer panic to drop off kid and make it into work on time.

This is my kind of day!

The day after any long weekend or vacation to where you have to enter the real world once again always seems a bit daunting to me. I seem to think we need an extra day to recuperate from the long weekends. And not like I did before my boy was born! Those late night party sessions are a memory and my idea of a good time these days involves little movement and maybe a glass or four of an adult beverage. Well at least in my mind. The reality is more of an attempt to rest but I end up finding at least 7 projects in various stages of completion and since I have time I might as well try to finish 2. Sometimes I just leave the others and start a whole new project because nothing makes this OCD girl crazier than one more project on her plate to not finish!

Last night the boy got an early birthday present and I spent an hour oohing and ahhing over the new Marvel Hulk Smash remote toy. It’s loud, crazy and admittedly a very cool toy. The cat is not too fond of it but I am not fond of her running through the house sounding like a stampede of epic proportions so I figure it’s payback!

hulk smash

I also taught the boy what the flap in the front of his underwear was for, he now thinks that is a cool trick for pottying. Seriously.

My life is fascinating!

Now I sit writing my articles for my blog and ruminating on what needs to be done next.

I am sure I will remember what needs to be done while I am working or out and about today. It will be one of those “Aha, oh crap!” moments I am so familiar with.

But that’s all ok because we are making it through the week, now with Hulk on our side, and hoping everyone keeps their word on things to be done so we can pull this week off with minimal damage!

Welcome to my world!

I hope you all have a fabulous Tuesday and that we all make it through without the joys of jail or bad food!

Keep hope alive my friends!

 

Happy Labor Day!

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happy labor day chic

Today is Labor Day and I truly hope that you all are getting to enjoy this national holiday.

In keeping with Labor Day, I am keeping this post short and sweet.

I plan to enjoy good food and good company.

I hope to not have to actually do too much labor on this day that acknowledges that everyone needs time off .

If you are stuck at work today I hope that you are at least getting some compensation and you have my thanks. So many still have to work no matter what the holiday. Soldiers, doctors, nurses, law enforcement and many others always give themselves no matter what the holiday and at great sacrifice to themselves and their families. To those keeping things running and thousands of others who can’t afford to take the day off, I thank you!

I hope that you all have a fabulous Labor Day 2015!

holiday brought by hard wk labor day

Keep Hope Alive for this Monday to be awesome and to have an amazing and productive week!

From the fabulously graceless Lady Mao

The first Sunday after college football

~ gracelessnessover40 ~ 1 Comment

Ahh the first Sunday after college football in Alabama! Both Alabama and Auburn kicked booty and of course it was a late night with friends and family.

Earlier this week my lovely boy, who learned “Roll Tide” before he could say complete sentences and was dressed all in Alabama attire when brought home from the hospital, yelled “War Eagle” while dressed in an Alabama t-shirt on the way to school. I whipped my head around and said, “What did you say?” Smiling he replied, “Warrrr Eagle Mommy!” I quickly found out he had learned it from his teacher at school. He was a bit concerned I would be mad. Apparently he is already caught onto the fact that the two teams are rivals and was wondering if he was “in trouble with me” for saying it. So was his teacher! I assured them both that although I was a Bama fan through and through, I was not a rabid fan and cheered for the other team as long as they weren’t playing each other.

I realized how fine a line it is. I have always known that people argue, fight and even divorce over the college rivalry here. It blows my mind.

To be born in Alabama means you are basically assigned a team at birth. Usually the team your parents are for.

Growing up I always cheered for Alabama because that’s who my daddy loved. My mom became a Bama fan after marriage, as several of her family members went to Auburn. Later my younger brother graduated from Alabama so her ties were strong by then. My boy has both and aunt and uncle who attended UA so it was a natural choice to dress him in crimson and white and teach him “Roll Tide” and “Go Bama” along with the fight song.

I have recently realized that may be a mistake. This does not mean I will stop buying him Bama gear and suit him up for Auburn per se.

While having the conversation the other day in the car I made a comment that “I don’t do orange it doesn’t look good on me.” He said, “Well I look good in red, white, blue and orange Mommy.” And he’s right.

As parents we tend to lead our children to what we like best. Not that it is a bad thing, but we don’t really stop to think of the implications it has on them.

Yes, I am moving a bit deeper than just football so bear with me.

The boy is like me in so many ways it scares the crap out of me. But he is Not me. Nor is he his father. He is his own being who is coming more and more into who he is as a person. Not just a mini-me. He certainly has learned many traits, most good a few probably not as good, from me and his dad, but he also has his own opinions about things.

Yesterday my mom took the boy and I to the local science center for the day. His birthday is coming up and she wanted to have a bit of time with just the three of us.

We had a blast exploring, learning and playing for hours. When we were leaving we had to pay to get out of the parking deck. Mom and I were frustrated because we couldn’t get the machine to take our money to get out and were a bit snappish with each other, but truly nothing ugly or rude. He pipes up from the backseat, “Hey all that jealousy and anger isn’t nice, and you both need to be good to each other.” Did I mention he’s almost 5? He hasn’t quite got all the basics down of emotions and what means what, but we got the idea. After talking to him and explaining what jealousy meant and how we both were just frustrated that we couldn’t get out of the parking garage, the pay to get out box wasn’t working so we had to move, he said, “Well y’all just need to talk nicer to each other then. People will think you’re mad at each other.” It’s a bit scary when the kid is smarter than the adults.

I’ve come to realize I have to let my boy make his own choices in life. I may not always like them, like letting his thick hair grow out because he wants to or doing things I do a certain way differently, but they are his ways. As long as it isn’t harmful to him or others I want to let him grown into who he want to be. Not someone I think he should be.

I hope you all have a fabulous day!

 

 

Do you believe in anything?

~ gracelessnessover40 ~ 4 Comments

Do you believe in anything?

The definition of believe is “to have confidence in the truth, the existence, or reliability of something, although without absolute proof that one is right in doing so”.

Do you have hope?

The definition of hope is “the feeling that what is wanted can be had or that events will turn out for the best”.

In my mind, these words mingle together. If I believe in something or someone I have hope that the best outcome will happen.

The tricky part is some may feel that believing is stronger than hoping. I get that. I totally do.

For me though, having both belief and hope, is the best and strongest intermixing in my mind.

I love the two of them together for to me they seem to make it that much more real.

Neither words are “tangible” so to speak. But together they mean having faith, of putting all of yourself and you secret hopes and dreams all in the same basket and believing that it will all work out for the best possible outcome for my life. My motto “keep hope alive” is such a part of me as it gives me a renewed strength where I believe the best is still a reality.

Yes there can definitely be instances where you have hope, but you don’t believe or have faith in a situation so you hope for the best.

Or you believe in something or someone but know deep down that it won’t be as you had hoped it would be.

Faith is a bit different. The definitions “confidence or trust in a person or thing” and “belief that is not based on proof”.

All too often we toss out the terms “I believe you.” “I have hope.” I have faith in this situation when truly we don’t. I feel that it is something that for some is learned and even expected to be said. Or you say it so often you want it to be true, but again your gut tells you that it isn’t. And no one wants to suffer the heartache and depression of no longer having their faith, their belief and their hope pounded into the sand.

Which is why I always say Keep Hope Alive.

For me, I can never give up. I can never stop believing that better things, better people, better situation are out there for me and mine.

I have faith that I will find that happiness and peace I so desperately need.

I am seeing it now in my life.

I want to be cautious yet I feel this mystical pull telling me, yes, it is right and true. Run towards it and not away.

I have had my heart broken, my trust shattered, my faith questioned.

I have also picked myself up, dusted off and got back on the ride of life because I Believe in myself. I believe in others. I have hope and faith that not everyone is bitter and angry.

If the past few months have shown me anything, it has shown me to never lose faith. Never give up hope and never stop believing.

Because sometimes dreams and peace really do come. And I can’t spend my time discounting it because of past experiences. I have to believe in myself and have faith that walking down this path will not lead to heartache and destruction.

I know that I will lose friends and loved ones. This is life and it isn’t always pretty and it’s definitely not perfect. But when I find those special people that make me happy, give me butterflies, make me feel good inside about myself, I can’t not take a chance. Have a little faith. I can’t not keep hope alive.

For where would I be if I had no belief? No hope? No faith?

Sad and lonely and most likely in a deep, dark miasma of depression I am sure.

Not that I don’t visit the dark hallways of my mind. There are many and they are vast.

It makes me appreciate all of the beauty, joy and happiness I feel when something or someone I believe in proves me right and does not only for me and mine, but also themselves.

So try to have a little belief, hope and faith in your fellow humans. Try to see the world in a different perspective. Trust me, it can change your world!

Have a fabulous day!

 

Fabulous Friday with a touch of nostalgia

~ gracelessnessover40 ~ 4 Comments

fantastic friday

The beginning of the weekend is here! We wait all week for this… or some of us do! School kids look forward to the weekend, and if they are lucky, 2 days of no “learning” and sitting in a classroom. Parents are happy, if they are of the Monday through Friday jobs, to have 2 days with their family. Or maybe it’s a dreaded thing, 50/50 chance there I guess. But I digress! Overall it’s 2 days free of the “normal weekday grind.” Songs are written about it, there are videos about it, poems, ditties and memes galore.

Also it’s officially football season again. Living in the south, high school and college football are a big deal. I know all over the US Friday night football is back and fans are all into football weekends, with high school games on Friday and college games on Friday and Saturdays. Of course since I am bringing up football, one can’t forget the NFL and Sunday games! It’s like Friday kicks off football too.

football

And since school is back in session, there are all types of sports, arts and other weekend activities to do.

I miss the Friday night dinners followed by family TV time of Dallas and Falcon Crest or friends coming over and card games and laughter.

We often would go to the high school football games and then out to dinner at the local Pizza Hut. We would see friends and family and enjoy spending time with them and each other. It was amazing how well my brother and I would get along during these times for the most part! Like we knew we were in the moment of something special and would get along and actually like each other to keep that good, happy feeling going!

I try to recreate, to a degree that fun, weekend feeling with the boy. If we are going out to dinner I find somewhere fun we both like, aka not necessarily a place with a playground, and will enjoy the food as well as the company but not break the bank. Depending on how long we are out, when we get home we may play a game before finding a new movie on Netflix to watch together. I love that he loves watching “classic” older kid’s movies that I loved when I was a kid… and an adult too but that’s ok it’s not TMNT or Frozen over and over as I can’t do that!

Last summer he watched Pinocchio for the first time, the original one, and loved it. Watching it for the first time with him I was taken back to when I saw it with my grandfather at the Alabama Theater oh so many years ago.

al theatre

Of course then I had to take him to the same theater to see a movie there and experience the feeling of awe and “how cool” it was compared to the “regular” theaters he was accustomed to. We went at Christmas and saw the Charlie Brown Christmas movie classic, which he’d of course seen, but not in that setting. Even though he had a mini meltdown before the movie, he told me later that was one of the best times he had watching a movie knowing I had been there as a little girl seeing movies there too. The kid can get me!

al theatre sign

So Friday I welcome you and know that somehow, somewhere, happiness and joy will be found in you some way by many! I know for myself and mine we will enjoy this Friday, rain or shine, because after all, it’s the start of our weekend!

I hope you all have a fabulous Friday!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

And the award goes to…..

~ gracelessnessover40 ~ 1 Comment

I have realized some people are trying so hard to win their very own Grammy.

They are so dramatic and over the top, I am convinced that they think they are going not for the Grammy, but the Oscars. Yes, Big Dreams of Delusion!

Frequently it seems there is something new that they have to tell you about.

From how you need to change something you do because they know how to do it better to how they are superior to you in some way. Or maybe all they did for you and how you owe them because they did something out of “kindness”.

They can charm even the most skeptical for a while into thinking they are ALL that and a bag of chips.

However, over a period of time, you come to see they can’t continue on with their act. Be it manic, alcohol, drugs or just plain crazy they cannot maintain the level of “normalcy” needed to pull off the “act” they are desperately trying to achieve.

These people will tell you, your friends, your family all the things they think they you want to hear. They will promise the moon and stars. Sometimes they even throw in promises of another galaxy to make themselves seem so perfect and worthy of praise.

When they can’t deliver on whatever they’ve promised, they will blame everyone and everything from the pope to tripping over the carpet that was laid 20 years ago. It is Not their fault, they’ve had troubles. They promise the moon this time and somewhat put a band aid on the problems so what happens behind the curtains is not caught on film.

It is at this point when I start watching their performance for what I like to call the “falling apart” part of the plot.

This is when you start noticing the edges of their life seems more frayed that was originally presented. Earlier it was pressed and neat. Everything was “in order” or on its way to being in order. They assure you over and over when you ask them about it. Nothing to worry about. Nothing to see here.

When I read I book, even if it’s awful, I have to read through until the end. Trust me it’s a brutal, self-torture OCD thing I am working to overcome!

Watching these scenes play out is like that.

I know it’s going to end poorly but I can’t help but hold out hope! Hope that this person will see the signs and make different choices.

I won’t read the last pages of a book to find out what happens and it seems in life I tend to hang on to watch the show. Even if you’ve seen the re-runs they try to pass off as new material.

I’ve worked with the mentally ill and with hospice, I have seen some truly weird things, but people who are not “diagnosed” or considered “normal” that act like this fascinate me.

I’ve learned to keep a safe distance so when they flip out, and they will, I hope to not become a casualty of their poor life performance.

I have been caught in the cross hairs and on the fringe and it isn’t pretty.

It can be quite painful if it is someone you truly care about.

But the ones who keep going on and on, the ones you have no choice but to remove yourself from for your own safety, are the ones that scare me a bit more.

Those people keep performing long after the movie is over. They have their own private performance in their minds. Those people can be dangerous.

Those who continue to try and “perfect” their lives by acting outraged someone called them on their B.S. and stood up to them. They call them names and say slanderous things about them. Carrying on and on about how they would never do something so horrible to someone and name off all the “good” things they have done.

Again adding to their resume of “good deeds” to share with another group when this one shuts down their performance due to their lack of acting skills.

I think they need an award for Worst Performance in certain categories of life!

Not to say I myself wouldn’t qualify for a few categories but I don’t think I would win the prize.

The reason is I believe, in my own everyone has one opinion, you have to own up to your bad performances. Admit when you did a shitty job. Take the criticism like an adult, make improvements, even – gasp – apologize when you do harm to others and Mean it.

That deserves a freaking award right there. The courage to admit when you are Wrong and mean it. To make it right however that may be.

But to those who keep on “acting”, I hate to tell you the award season is over!

For the rest of you, please keep being fabulous!

 

Does this post resonate with you? Tell me how you really feel!

 

 

 

 

 

Rain

~ gracelessnessover40 ~ 1 Comment

I can smell the rain coming.

It won’t be long now before the land is drenched from the skies.

Like the heavens are trying to wipe away the grit and grime from the earth.

It smells so clean and fresh.

There is also a smell on the wind. A smell of hard weather. Storms, tornadoes and hurricanes.

I love the wind that carries the smell of the rains.

I respect Mother Nature and all of her power and glory.

She does not discriminate on whom and where she chooses to let loose.

I love the winds, the rains, the raging storms.

I feel the wind calming. The calm before the storm.

Now it is picking up, bringing on its outer edges the rain, lightening, thunder and hail.

The heavens sound like they are tearing open and letting Armageddon loose on mankind.

The rain pours forth like the ocean emptying itself from the depths and darkest places.

The thunder sounds like hundreds of bats being hit and cracked at once, rippling out across the land.

Lightening illuminates the skies, showing backdrops of clouds shaped like demons and wild fairy tales.

It seems like it will never end.

I wonder if the rain will ever stop, if the thunder will cease and the lightening will end.

Slowly, so slowly that the creeks, rivers and low lying roads are overflowing, but the rain starts to slow. The thunder and lightning gradually fade away.

Eventually the rain becomes a drizzle and then drops.

Finally, I see the sun peeking through the hazy clouds.

I think of Noah when the rains stopped and they saw land for the first time.

Like a miracle had occurred.

The earth was cleansed and fresh once again.

Gone were the things of man, replaced by the beautiful bounties of nature.

We are once again given the chance to start anew.

When the rains come, try to see it with a different prospective.

How it cleanses and how you can use it in your own life to start fresh.

Keep hope alive!

 

 

“So Puzzling A Life” by Vicky Mowrer

~ gracelessnessover40 ~ 2 Comments

I have been writing several personal pieces and of course for my blog, but I came across this piece “So Puzzling a life” by my dear, sweet soul sister, Vicky Lynn Mowrer written July 12. 2013. Also known as “Unreally Real” and “HemFoo” by many, Vicky was one of the most beautiful, tortured souls who would give the clothes off her back and last dollar to help a friend or loved one.

We met when I needed a roommate back in 2005 and put an ad on Craigslist of all places! She was the only one I spoke on the phone with and the only one who I allowed to visit. Of course we knew immediately upon meeting that we were destined to be “roommates” with a whole lot of family love thrown in. And we were for 4 years. Then I moved off, she moved, I had a child, and moved out. She wanted to move back to the south so it was an easy decision for us. My soul sister moved back in with me in May of 2013. Four short months later, she died in her sleep unexpectedly. My heart was shattered.

We had always both written poetry and short stories and shared them. I can’t recall who sent this to me again after her death, but I remember her sending it to me previously. We often talked of people seeing the “whole” of us, and how we hid so much of who we were and how we needed to trust more and love more and BE more. So with that I share a piece of Vicky and me with you all.

Please remember you are not alone, keep hope alive and you are fabulous.

“So Puzzling A Life”

I am a jig saw puzzle….

Turned mostly upside down.

Everyone knows bits of me, no one knows the whole.

Even an upside down puzzle, you can see kind of how the pieces fit, but with no picture to follow, how do you really know?

Worse yet, is when some are upside down, and some are right side up.

I want to be right side up again. Show the flaws, show the beautiful pieces.  Have those little tags of paper that don’t lay flat.  I want to be one of those puzzles glued back together and hung on a wall. To be admired even for all my traces, punches and turns.

All I need is for one person to see me clearly, understand and accept the broken reality that has been my life.

It’s a hard task, any puzzle, and variables such as upside down, half right up, would confound anyone. And when it’s a real life… unfathomable

But to know the solution to the problem is to know me, all of me, from the time I was born, to the me I am now, and accept that life is more about survival than relationships. I survived by living out of dumpsters when I was a teen. I survived as an adult by pretending to fit into normal mores… I survive now by asking for help.

Hello Monday

~ gracelessnessover40 ~ 1 Comment

hello monday

Hello Monday my old friend.

Good to see you once again.

Can’t say it’s always great, but I always know I can count on you.

You never let me down, showing up week after week.

Sometimes I despise you, however I realized it isn’t the day, but the thought of beginning a new week.

Like if I didn’t have to face Monday sometimes I could put off the inevitable.

Right and I wave my magic wand and everything turns out hunkey dorey!

Oh how I wish!

If only life were so easy.

If only I could leave my responsibilities and troubles at the garden gate and go on with my day!

But alas, I must move forward and face my challenges and fears.

I must remember to hold my head high and never give up.

I must always remember to keep hope alive!

Moon Love

~ gracelessnessover40 ~ 1 Comment

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We danced.

Under the full moon on the balcony, we danced.

We laughed and played.

We ate good, played in the ocean but most of all we danced and sang.

Your favorite color is red.

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You tell me I am your favorite, bestest mommy you’ve ever had.

I tell you I dreamed of you before you were here.

“Did you always love me?”

“Always! I love you more each day and more than I did a minute ago.”

“Even when I’m bad? Do you still love me then?”

“I love you no matter what.”

Now we sing and dance some more.

Me and my miracle.

I pray for many more full moons with you.

And know my love for you is overflowing.

*Dedicated to my boy, Tuesday’s child full of Grace*

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