Once you get to a certain point in your life you have to take responsibilities for things in your life. You can’t always blame others because something you wanted didn’t work out. You can’t shun your responsibilities because you don’t like someone and they make you “mad”.
When you have a child or children the responsibilities grow. Even if you aren’t the “full time” parent or you are “co-parenting”, you have to communicate so that you are doing what is best for your child/children and not what is best for you. You may not like the other parent, but if they are present in your child’s life you have to make the best of things, suck it up and get along.
I have heard so many stories, and live through my own, of single parenting. It is not easy no matter how hard you try you it seems you will always feel guilt. Recently the boy had seen a preview for one of those Disney on Ice events and wanted to go. I looked into and it is only playing during the time he is with his dad. So I told him to ask them to take him. I feel like he might but he explicitly wants me to go. I can’t exactly explain to my 5-year-old that his dad is not my biggest fan and that I can’t just take him during a time when he is supposed to be with his dad. Instead I advise him to ask his dad or his grandparents and promise him I will find something for us to do. When pressed I remind him his dad and grandparents miss him and wants to spend time with him like I do.
I realize that I am fortunate in that right now my son and I are very close. When his dad and I split up, I realized how hard it was going to be on him to not have both parents “there” all the time. He is my miracle boy and we have a bond that runs deep.
I have been consistent in how I talk to him, work with him and keep some semblance of a schedule for him. I communicate with his dad and grandparents as to what I am doing so that if they so desire, they can do something similar. He knows he has different rules depending on where he is. The fact that he is only 5 is often lost when he comes out with adult insights that most adults can’t see. He has been in situations of loss that most people don’t experience quite so early in life and has come out rather well balanced. I am not being biased as his teachers and doctors have agreed that he is quite amazing and have handled situations with a maturity of a much older child while still maintaining his little boy ways.
Most of all he knows I love him no matter what and that his mommy will always be there for him if I am able. He doesn’t doubt it. He knows he can depend on me. Earlier this year I had major surgery. He does karate one day a week and it’s a day that every other week he is with either myself or his dad. I go to every class. Since he started 9 months ago I have only missed 3 classes and all were due to medical reasons. He knows he can look up week after week and his mommy will be there, whether he’s going home with me or not, supporting him and cheering him on.
When you’re responsible for children, you can’t always act on your emotions. You may not realize how much what you do impacts that child and children can be more insightful than you realize. You may think your little wild child isn’t paying attention to your conversation with your friends, but when he ends up blurting out bits and pieces over the next few weeks at inappropriate times, you realize just how much he listened! He can’t repeat back to you what just came out of your mouth when he’s supposed to be learning yet he can quote verbatim a conversation you had with your friends and had no idea he was listening. It’s freaky. True Story!
I guess I am just trying to say we all have responsibilities on varying levels. I just wish more people would stand up to what they need to do even if it means sucking it up and being “nice” to someone you are quite so fond of for the sake of others. Not just a child. But people that matter to you.
I hope you all have a fabulous day!
Keep Hope Alive!